This is in response to a blog entry in Nurtured By Love…
It’s difficult for many people to be around anger I think. Is it easy for anyone I wonder? I know that even some people who are used to expressing their own anger can be frightened by the anger being expressed by others, while others are desensitized to it.
It takes a long time to unlearn bad or unhealthy habits and of course we can only do something about our own anger, we are not responsible for the anger of others, even when it is directed towards us. Each of us chooses how to react, even when we react so instinctively that it doesn’t seem like a choice, it still is a choice, we get to decide what our reactions are. I am not saying that it is easy but I do believe it (uncomfortably) to be true.
I say uncomfortably because it makes us responsible for feelings that we may be more comfortable blaming on others – she made me angry, upset, sad etc. rather than I am feeling angry, upset, sad etc. It is not always pleasant or comfortable to take full responsibility for our own feelings and many of us have to learn to do it as adults because we did not learn these things whilst growing up.
Often we may need help learning these new habits, it is especially good to chose your companions from emotionally healthy people, those who are really working on positive living, who are really trying to learn or practise integrity and self-awareness.
I notice that many tv “reality” shows and soap operas seem to work very much with a theme of anger running through so that those who watch regularly (phew I am glad I don’t) are subjected to anger on a regular basis and would therefore view it as quite normal. I think that the danger here is that anger can cover so many other feelings which may never be acknowledged, causing many other problems. Why do the media pepper their “popular” shows with anger? Please let me know if you any thought on this.
I know that it is the main reason that I watch so little tv. I don’t need my entertainment to foster feelings of impotent anger in me. I want my tv entertainment to charm me, educate me, surprise me. I like to watch shows with some human values of honesty, warmth, healthy emotions being healthily expressed and dealt with, compassion. Perhaps that’s why I mostly watch reruns of old shows and movies and stay away from the current rash of so-called reality tv.
Having said all that I think it is important to recognise that anger can be a positive force for change, for improvement, it should not be viewed as a negative or unhealthy emotion.
Anger is not an unhealthy emotion, it is just an emotion.
It all depends on how we behave when we are angry, how we use the anger we are feeling, whether we recognise where it is coming from, whether it is hiding any other emotions that we should be aware of and learning how to act appropriately.